I Just Can't Wait to Be King

When most of us well-read Westerners think Africa, our brains immediately go to picturesque scenes of roaming giraffes, zebras, and elephants, and well, The Lion King (ok, or starving fly-bothered Ethiopian babies with bloated bellies -- but that’s less fun to think about). Don’t pretend it’s not. Before I left home for the Peace Corps, my little sister told me when the elephants make their way into my backyard here, I should make myself as tall as possible and stand my ground (don’t listen to your little sisters – they just make things up – things that could get you killed). I’ve been living in Africa almost 7 months now, and I haven’t seen any of those cool animals. An elephant has yet to come over to my place for some midday palm wine and peanuts; there’s an open invitation on Craigslist and CouchSurfer. Did I just strike out and not get posted to the right African country?? Nope, not it. Cameroon is home to all these cute cuddly types – forest and savanna elephants, lions, cheetahs, giraffes, hyenas, aardvarks, hippos, crocodiles, rhinoceroses, buffalo, mongoose, chimpanzees, gorillas, drills (one of the rarest primates in all of Africa), huge millipedes and a whole lot of other wild, splendid creatures. The oldest rainforest on this entire giantess of a continent is even in Cameroon!

Grr, I want to see them! Where are they hiding? Getting to East or South Africa from here is too darn expensive. I just want to be able to wear my U.S. postal service/explorer hat that I packed and jump into a Land Rover and see a crocodile and a lion fighting over a warthog right here in Cameroon. Is that so much to ask? I mean, really. Throw me a bone.

Well, major deforestation in recent times, especially logging by foreign companies in the last 20 plus years with little regulation by the Cameroonian government (great for the both parties’ present billfolds) and poaching rare “bushmeat” has kind of put a major damper on being able to see wildlife ‘round these parts. 800 year old trees? Sure, cut ‘em down - Europe and Asia need them. Nah, don’t worry about replanting. Exploitation? No, it’s development! Kill the wildlife, fill the pockets! In the last 100 years, somewhere around 90% of West Africa’s rainforests have been destroyed. Thirty-ish years ago there were more than 200,000 lions frolicking across Africa. About ten years ago, the number stood somewhere around 20,000. Impressive. Horrifying.

Ok, enough. Off the pedestal and back to me and my important tragic misfortunes of not being able to see exotic flora and fauna. Was no one thinking of Elizabeth’s future desire to hang out with Babar?! Oh, how my exaggerated suffering cuts me deep!

Actually…I have gotten to see some pretty neat rarities already – and I’m not even talking about the giant cockroaches, cane rats, and lizards with whom I cohabitate (those aren’t rarities). In just this past week, I’ve seen what I think was a goliath frog – its face was at least as wide as mine – and a pangolin, a rare scaly anteater/porcupine thingy, being held up by its tail. So weird! Now grant it, both things were being sold from along the roadside by young Cameroonian hunters, but still really amazing to see. And both were still living – for the time being, at least. That giant frog was only going for around 10USD, and that was the starting price. Again, traveling in Cameroon proves to be fun. I’ve seen monkeys on leashes, snakes in baskets, and three-headed dragons. Fine, I lied about that last one. But really, who needs a safari when Cameroonians will hold up breathtaking wonders to your passing van? Way less expensive. It’s like taking the train ride at the zoo or Disney World (you should still keep your arms inside the car). Pretty much the same thing with minor differences – you know, like the up-for-view animals might not be breathing anymore. Or they might be cut in half for easier transport – just throw that gazelle’s lovely backside atop the van (though, if you could, try not to let it soil the freshly-made empty coffin or the bags of plantains and legumes that’re already up there). Sunday dinner party!

And, another reason you don’t have to feel sorry for me (I know how much you were) -- I haven’t given up on seeing the other oh-so-typical African guardians. In half a year, I hope to be going up to the Extreme-North Region of Cameroon (up near Chad and Nigeria where it’s completely geographically and culturally different from where I live) and check out a national park where I might have a better chance of seeing some of those grandiose feral monsters. Most likely, I won’t see much, but one never knows…

Hopefully too, by the time I get up there, someone else will have given me some slightly better advice about what to do when I come face to face with my first wild elephant. Stand tall or offer it peanuts? Or both? Ahh, what to do, what to do?!

giant snail outside my house - escargot on a stick is common here.

my English Club in Njombe